Last Monday, in an early Christmas present to the editors of this website, #indierocknovels began trending on Twitter. For a few hours people all over the world engaged in clever attempts to synthesize their favorite bands and favorite books, arriving at some portmantastic combinations in the process. Our staff of wordplay addicts submitted more than a few entries of its own, and below we have catalogued our favorite FP creations, along with a brief synopsis of each faux-novel. We hope that we can entertain you as much as we entertain ourselves.
The Catcher in the Ryan Adams
…In which Holden Caulfield gets fed up with all the phonies in the country music scene and heads out west to form a sci-fi metal band.
Interview with the Vampire Weekend
…In which lead Vampire Ezra Koenig burns Hyannisport to the ground as the sun rises in an effort to get out of Cape Cod.
Sister Carrie Brownstein
…In which the Sleater-Kinney/Wild Flag frontwoman moves to the big city and achieves stardom as an actress in IFC’s Portlandia.
Grimes and Punishment
…In which conflicted former McGill student and current blog princess Grimes murders…the beat. With an axe.
BonIver of the Vanities
…In which Justin Vernon is taken to trial for a hit-and-run on a hipster girl’s heart.
Go Tell It On The Mountain Goats
The protagonists of both the novel and the band are deeply religious men named John. They are of differing races. I don’t know how to make a joke about this.
The Beach House of Mirth
…Whatever this was about, it made me fall asleep.
The Call of the Wild Beasts
…With the Call in this case being sung in a warbly, breathy falsetto.
Explosions in The Sheltering Sky
Suffice it to say this one unfolds very slowly.
Surfer Blood Meridian
…In which the band joins a gang that hunts the scalps of Weezer, so that they can be the only band that sounds like that.
Atlas Sound Shrugged
…In which, as the government asserts control over the means of artistic production, the members of Deerhunter progressively go on strike, leading Bradford Cox alone to craft his songs.
The Tallest Man on Battlefield Earth
…In which a race of nine-foot, thousand-pound murderes named the Psychlos invade the Rocky Mountains in order to…oh forget it, just listen to this song.
L.V. Lopez is co-editor of Frontier Psychiatrist. He recently reviewed new releases from Girls, M83, and Youth Lagoon. He loves portmanteaux like McAdams loves Gosling.